Your a smoker.
A poem by Phil Rot.
Your a smoker.
by Phil Rot
You flick your lighter
You take a drag
Profound thoughts fill your mind
You take a break from work to smoke a cigarette
You form bonds with your coworkers who also smoke
People wave the smoke away as they pass you
You hate them
You buy a twenty two dollar pack of Maverick Menthol 100s (nice)
They are on sale
You tap the pack of cigarettes against your wrist
You pull out a fresh ciggie and light it up
You inhale the smoke
You feel satisfied
You blow smoke into society’s gay air
And you think about something
It feels like an accomplishment
You go to dinner with your family
You excuse yourself to go to the bathroom
On your way back, you step outside to smoke a cigarette
When you get back to the table, your mom asks what took you so long
But she knows of course she fucking knows
She’s just trying to make you feel small
You’re a smoker
You leave in the middle of your grandfather’s eulogy to light up what the Brits in merry olde England call a fag
You see your uncle David’s new girlfriend outside and she asks for a light
You have an affair with Uncle David’s new girlfriend
The affair lasts seven months
Uncle David is suspicious but he never calls it out because he’s a big fucking pussy and he hates her anyways
“Thanks for taking that BPD bitch off my hands,” he probably wants to say
Looks like she’s your problem now
You smoke outside the nightclub
You smoke outside the airport
You smoke outside of a Starbucks and a pair of old women scowl at you
A man in wraparound Oakley’s says, “You should quit while you’re young” as he passes you outside the Conoco 7-Eleven
You flick your cigarette into a puddle of gasoline
You flick your cigarette into the open bed of a White 2023 Sierra pickup
You flick your cigarette out your car window on the freeway
You flick your cigarette into the face of a teenage girl outside the mall
You flick your cigarette off the top of a Heritage Hotel in South Florida
You bum a cigarette from a Chinese guy in a white parka outside the mall
He gives it to you begrudgingly because he, like you,
Is a smoker
You try quitting but it’s too hard
It’s better to just remain a smoker
You go all in
You buy vintage cigarette company memorabilia
You make friends with high ranking members of the tobacco lobby
You become a smoker’s rights advocate
You testify before Congress
You singlehandedly lower the legal age of nicotine purchasing from 21 to 17
You are a hero to teenagers across South Florida
You get invited to secret smoking parties
Where people smoke indoors
You master the art of observing both the cigarette and the ‘you’ observing the cigarette
As long as you keep smoking, you will experience heightened levels of consciousness
You lose your sense of self
You assume the mental posture of the Divine Falcon
You travel through multiple universes experiencing life as the cosmic observer
You become one with Thee Endless
Its Who you were all along
You are a smoker
You are a God


It’s dada
It’s satire
It’s also 100% sincere
Smoking is so cool