You’ve just swallowed a spider.
A Work of Fiction
You’ve just swallowed a spider.
by Phil Rot
The following is a text exchange between performing artist, YUNGBLUD, and former bassist and vocalist of the Beatles, Sir Paul McCartney, during the 2026 Grammys
[Sunday, Feb 1st, 8;13pm]
YUNGBLUD: hey you watching the grammys right now
Sir Paul McCartney: sup
Sir Paul McCartney: watchin it now
YUNGBLUD: tight
YUNGBLUD: im gonna win tonight
Sir Paul McCartney: i know
Sir Paul McCartney: congrats kid 😎
Sir Paul McCartney: ive won alot og those
YUNGBLUD: i know
YUNGBLUD: how many did u win
Sir Paul McCartney: idk lol at least 12
Sir Paul McCartney: after a while i stopped counting
YUNGBLUD: lol sick
YUNGBLUD: hey
YUNGBLUD: we still havin dinner 2morror
Sir Paul McCartney: wot
YUNGBLUD: dinner
YUNGBLUD: jerky
Sir Paul McCartney: haha
Sir Paul McCartney: you mean the Dahmer special?
YUNGBLUD: 🤫
YUNGBLUD: “jerky”lol
Sir Paul McCartney: oh right, you never know who’s listening in
Sir Paul McCartney: yeah, we might have enough for ya kid
YUNGBLUD: i just found out i have the bug lol
Sir Paul McCartney: wot
YUNGBLUD: i got AIDS
Sir Paul McCartney: wot
Sir Paul McCartney: why??
YUNGBLUD: idk, thought it would b funny
YUNGBLUD: 😂😂😂😂😂😂
Sir Paul McCartney: you’re crazy, m8
Sir Paul McCartney: i remember when lennon got siphilus
Sir Paul McCartney: had sex with this ladyboy in korea
Sir Paul McCartney: that was during help!
YUNGBLUD: no way
Sir Paul McCartney: yeah m8, he was scared hi pecker would fall off lol
Sir Paul McCartney: back then, the cure woul put you out of commision for weeks
Sir Paul McCartney: epstein, not that one lol, he had john put to reast
Sir Paul McCartney: rest
Sir Paul McCartney: I was like, wot, are we just going to get another john?
Sir Paul McCartney: epstein said he had one laying around we could use
YUNGBLUD: thats crazy
YUNGBLUD: holy fuk beyonce just farted hella bad
YUNGBLUD: she was like “scuse me” ewww
Sir Paul McCartney: lol
YUNGBLUD: wait so like you guys replaced him
Sir Paul McCartney: ye m8, all the time
YUNGBLUD: no way
YUNGBLUD: thats cap
Sir Paul McCartney: its not ‘cap’ its the industry m8
Sir Paul McCartney: we all got “extras”
Sir Paul McCartney: you do too lol
YUNGBLUD: 😥noooooo
YUNGBLUD: shut up
YUNGBLUD: thats not tru
YUNGBLUD: fuk u
YUNGBLUD: jkjkjk
YUNGBLUD: srsly?
Sir Paul McCartney: ?
YUNGBLUD: they got clones n shite
Sir Paul McCartney: Yes
YUNGBLUD: thats what snoopp was sayin
YUNGBLUD: shite
YUNGBLUD: i wanna fuk my clone
YUNGBLUD: lol
Sir Paul McCartney: ha, wouldn’t that be something
YUNGBLUD: what kinda meat is it
Sir Paul McCartney: ‘jerky’
YUNGBLUD: duh
YUNGBLUD: i mean like white meat dark meat
YUNGBLUD: woman man
Sir Paul McCartney: you’ll have to ask them
Sir Paul McCartney: wouldn’t want to be impolite ;)
YUNGBLUD: pfffffffffff
YUNGBLUD: cringe
Sir Paul McCartney: lol
YUNGBLUD: ur gay
Sir Paul McCartney: i know i am but what are u?
YUNGBLUD: cringe
YUNGBLUD: [emoji redacted]
Sir Paul McCartney: [image redacted]
YUNGBLUD: [image redacted]
Sir Paul McCartney: [image redacted]
YUNGBLUD: [image redacted]
YUNGBLUD: [image redacted]
YUNGBLUD: [image redacted]
Sir Paul McCartney: you kids are alright
Sir Paul McCartney: good luck kid
Sir Paul McCartney: going to bed
Sir Paul McCartney: ☮️
What you’ve just read is a fantasy exchange between Grammy Award-winning recording artist YUNGBLUD and Sir Paul McCartney, the surviving second vocalist and bassist of the Beatles and Wings. While this conversation didn’t occur in real life, there is a reality in which it did. Whether or not YOU are living in that reality is unknown. It is also unknown whether or not you would ever be aware of living in this reality if you did, in fact, live in it.
However–well, I’m not sure I should tell you about this, you probably won’t believe me–well, there is technically a way to determine whether or not this is the reality you’re living in. It’s not easy, but there is a way. Would you like me to explain how one might determine whether they are living in a reality in which this text exchange between Grammy Award-winning recording artist YUNGBLUD and Sir Paul McCartney, surviving second vocalist and bassist of the Beatles and Wings, actually occurred?
There is a little-known phenomenon within the modern consciousness movement called Demi-Sync. Don’t bother looking it up; it’s not available to you yet. To those permitted, there is a method by which one achieves Demi-Sync, one available to a select group of psychically evolved organisms. Are you surprised I used the term ‘organisms’ instead of, say, ‘humans’ or ‘people’? I can assure you, it’s entirely intentional.
The closest way an organism such as yourself might get to such a state would be to follow the following to the letter:
Lie down and relax your body completely.
Sink out of being—corpse consciousness. Allow the mind to turn, but avoid relating to any thoughts or imaginations conceived of during this period.
Avoid all physical movement and remain in this state for a set period. Determine the length of time thus: For each full hour before or after 11:30 am, add five minutes to 0. It should be five minutes, even if the time is 11:29 am.
Now imagine yourself in your childhood backyard. If you never had a backyard, imagine you were born into circumstances allowing you to have one. You also own a dog, but it is inside right now. It is being disected. There is a coiled green hose attached to the back of your house with a spigot. It doesn’t matter whether or not your house had this.
Turn on the hose, and begin drinking the water.
At some point, you should feel something stuck inside your throat. Try to cough it up. It doesn’t come out.
You wonder what it could be that’s stuck in your throat.
It is a spider.
You’ve just swallowed a spider.
“Call them a walrus and see how they recoil”
Well done. This happened, btw.